Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
