Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
