...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
