Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
