you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
