I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
