the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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