Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
