I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
