Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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