my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
