thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
