do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
