So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
