After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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