there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
