you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
