Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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