I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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