It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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