Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize