sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Alive.
So much puke
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
