porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
