I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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