mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Panties = found
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize