I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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