I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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