I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
