made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
