we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
