Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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