I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
