just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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