I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
