i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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