he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just gift wrapped bread.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
