its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
