the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
