I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
