then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
