He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
