Is it normal to miss your booty call?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
