'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
