I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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