The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize