If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
