Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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