hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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