i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
