I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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