I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
