I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize