I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
