I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
