i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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