He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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