do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
