just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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