I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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