I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
