You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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