A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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