Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dont even know how to be here
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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