its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So squirting runs in the family.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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