Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
