having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
