Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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