I must be too annoying 4 u.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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