Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
