We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
even my farts smell like vagina
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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