That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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