No stitches, just platelets and will power
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
