Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
