Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
